A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
A Supercomputer is a computer that runs an endless loop in two seconds.
A very high phone bill indicates that your child is spending hours communicating with other computer users via modem -
not necessarily an illegal activity. It's the very low phone bills that you should watch for.
All computers wait at the same speed.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
BorgDOS v6.0 - Assimilate Another [Y/n]?
BREAKFAST.COM halted - cereal port not responding
CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
Computers are like Old Testaments gods. Lots of rules and no mercy.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers are only human.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. (Pablo Picasso)
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
DOS Human Interface Guidelines (part I, II and III):
A new line will be added to the bottom of the screen.
Hi! I'm a shareware signature! Send $5 if you use me, send $10 for manual!
I em a wuunderfull spelur. I tipe vari gud two.
I finally found the ANY key!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. (Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943)
If Old McDonald had a computer, would it use Eee-aye-eee I/O?
If the auto industry were like the computer industry, a car would now cost $50, would get 500 mpg, and at a random
time would explode, killing all passengers.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it an UFO?
No, it's a 136-speed CD-rom!
Lyall's Conjecture: If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
My computer is below sea level, but it is not wet... (Rene G.A. Ros from Iceland)
No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot UNIVERSE [Y/n]?
!retupmoc siht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
Smith & Wesson: The original point-and-click interface.
Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more "user-friendly"... Their best approach, so far has
been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words "user-friendly" on the cover.
The faster your computer, the longer it has to wait for you...
The most important question when any new computer architecture is introduced is "So what?"
The Original Multitasker: Two PCs and a chair with wheels!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. (Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of
DEC, 1977)
They say a computer is a "stupid" thing.
If so: how about the user of it?
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
Will Micro$oft go bankrupt in 1901 because of the Year 2000 Problem?
You don't have conversations with microprocessors. You tell them what to do, then helplessly watch the disaster when
they take you literally! (David Brin)
Your brain knows a hell of a lot more about networking than you do.
Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close
your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise.
(A)bort, (R)etry, (Q)UAKE?
A mistake is human, but you need a computer to make a mess of it.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
And the RESET button lets you re-run AUTOEXEC.BAT
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
But I DID read the manual...
But I thought YOU did the backups...
Buy a Pentium. It can reboot faster...
Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Do bl Sp ce is a v ry saf me hod of driv compr s ion.
Error 13: Illegal brain function. User Terminated.
Error: No Keyboard - press F1 to continue.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Hit any user to continue.
I dont nead no speling cheker!
I think I've got the hang of it now... :w :q :wq :wq! ^d X exit X Q :quitbye CtrlAltDel ~~q :~q logout save/quit :!QUIT
^[zz ^[ZZ ZZZZ ^H ^@ ^L ^[c ^# ^E ^X ^I ^T ? help helpquit ^D ^d ^C ^c helpexit ?Quit ?q ^Kx /QY sync halt
I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
In the future:
PC: "Are you sure you want to delete?"
User: "Well, I don't know. What do you think?"
Is your computer possesed? Use DEVICE=EXOR.SYS
It said "Insert Disk #3", but only two will fit!
Mouse not found! Click OK to continue!
My computer isn't that nervous... it's just a bit ANSI.
My configuration? A head, two arms and hands, two leggs...
NOT A VALID CENTURY
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
PENTIUM - Produces Enormous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Press [ESC] to detonate, or any other key to explode
Printers generate errors. Errors you've never seen on screen suddenly appear on paper.
(R)etry (R)eset
RTFM: Read the fucking manual!
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
shift key/ never heard of it1111
Somethingswrongwithmyspacebar
Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk...
Th vwls n m kbrd dn't wrk vry wll, d thy??
This computer will self-destruct in five minutes.
What does 'erasing of hard drive in progress' mean?
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
WYTYSYDG - What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!
A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the "Send" button.
America Online: a major supplier of free disks to those who do not pay money to them.
Beam me up... arrgh, no carrier!
Confuse people... Quote from the WRONG message!
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
I want an Internet. Can I have one of those? (Spice Girl Mel B., pointing to a monitor during an AOL press
conference)
I'm another road kill on the Information Superhighway.
If cookies were made with chocolate I would accept them always.
Internet Lie #1: Doom? Never heard of it.
Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.
Not tonight honey. I have a modem.
Please tell me if you don't get this message...
Some years ago we had slow computers and time enough to drink a lot of coffee. Today we have the Internet and once
more time enough for coffee. I think, Bill Gates should buy coffee plants...
Surfing the Internet finally allows me to read a good book...
The name is Baud... James Baud.
The secret of the universe is @*&¡!"¤^#+ NO CARRIER
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
We DON'T care. We don't HAVE to. We're the phone company.
You're not putting that Information Superhighway through my front room!
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
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